And that was when the last string that was attached broke loose.
The house of cards came falling down.
Anger. Sadness. Betrayal. Lost. Empty.
I was feeling everything and nothing at the same time.
I couldn’t stay here any longer. The smell, the situation and everything around me was like engulfing me up. Suffocating me.
So like the person I always am, I ran away.
With a wish, that I could run away from everything.
I got inside the car and drove away. I just wanted to get away. From the truth, the reality.
And then it started to pour, heavily. My dam broke down too.
All the tears that I had kept controlled came out. Just started flowing out, pouring out.
The speed was getting out of control, my vision was becoming blurry. I dint know whether that was because of the tears or the rain outside.
I could feel the void growing inside, the truth slapping me hard on my face.
I could feel the speed getting out of control and I dint want to stop. But then, what she said me some moments back came into my mind.
I pulled the car at the side and shouted out loud.
And then the flashback started.
Her laugh. No matter how crazy it was, it was contagious.
Her smile, the best thing in the world.
Her eyes, filled with dreams.
The way she held my hands, the way she helped me stand up every time I fell, the way she cared, the way she was so innocent, smart and just way too amazing.
Before I left from there, she held out her gentle hands for me, with hope in her eyes and all she asked me was to stay.
There was a smile on her face. But, i knew what she was hiding behind it. She had asked me to stay strong. For her and myself.
But how could I?
She was all I had left and they were going to take her away too.
I wanted to wake up every day to her smiles, listen to her banter, hold her close to me and just stay with her.
They kept telling that she can.
That she can fight through it, that she would fight. No one expected that everything would get bigger and worse.
It was so easy to tell but so hard to define.
There was so much I still wanted to tell her. So many more memories to make and dreams that I wanted to complete.
She was my only spark in life. Not my star but my entire galaxy.
I couldn’t lose her. The tears were coming back but I knew I had to go back to her.
I had very less time left with her and wanted to make each one of them the best one.
But, I still couldn’t and I don’t think I would ever face her reality.
The pain she is in; the struggle she is going through.
Yet, there was her smile all through it.
There was no ‘can’ left.
This was going to be our fight.
And so I went back to the hospital, amidst the smell of it, seeing every patient in there with a different story of theirs. And then I went into her room.
Covered in wires and tubes, her shaved head yet her face full of hope.
There was a content and smile when she saw me.
And then I said her, “I will. Forever”
Yes, she had Cancer.
Yes, there was not much time left.
Yes, the cancer had no option of can left..
I love my daughter. I know you are going to take her away forever. But she is my hero. Always will be.
– A broken father.